It’s been a rough decade.  No joke.  Some seasons go for long periods of time.   I’m a better worse.  And I’m much worse.

When I look back though I see a track record.  Recently I read a missionary book called In Search of the Source.  It’s about a tribe in PNG that a translator works out and how everything in their culture is identified by “The Source.”  It’s a really good book and the second time I read it.  It made me think.

What is my source?  Where have I been drawing from in this trying decade?   The truth is it hasn’t been pretty.  And when I look back, I see that much of what I have been doing is drawing from my own well.  When things gets downright awful, I tried to draw on my own resources and they weren’t there.  The result has been anger, bitterness, hate, frustration, weight-gain, sadness, and more.

Circumstances seemed unchangeable and prayers seemed unanswered, and instead of inclining my heart to continued trust for the longevity, bad things took up residence.  They’ve been given the eviction notice.

But I’ve lost ground for sure. Prayer has suffered.  Worship has suffered.  Presence has suffered.

And I remind myself when it gets hard again to draw from the well that is Him.  And even when it seems like prayers are not being answered year after year after year and suffering is taking place, a worse suffering is to try to dry from your own resources.

If prayers aren’t answered for very, very long periods of time, just keep lowering the rope into His waters.  I hope not to be tested in this any time soon.  But I do hope to start drawing from His well again and stop drawing my own water.