It’s the topic so many have been waiting for and it is the issue of divorce. It’s because divorce is such a huge issue in the world today. Many want out of a marriage that they find themselves in.

Truly, ever and always, God’s desire is for marriage between one man and one woman for life. The Bible is clear on that. But what about divorce? Are there reasons it is acceptable?

Let’s look at what Jesus teaches here:

And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.

 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  He answered them, “What did Moses command you?”  They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”  And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.  But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’  ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. ¹¹ And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, ¹² and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

There are two contexts here that make this vital to interpreting this text. The first one is immediate context. The Pharisees were trying to trap him on a controversial topic. And it’s kind of clear based on their answer to Jesus that they were the ones who were looking for reasons to get out of marriages.

Secondly there is the context of this as the continuation of the teaching of the Sermon on the Mount. Yes, this one does put it in a particular conversation with the Pharisees, but there’s a reason this is following in a similar flow as Matthew. While Mark likely came first, the teaching on divorce was clearly in the Sermon on the Mount that Jesus taught.

There are several approaches that people take to this.

The first approach is that this is a dogmatic, irrevocable teaching on marriage and divorce. That the only reason for divorce is marital unfaithfulness as given in Matthew 19.

This has some issues mainly based on context. Jesus was answering specific people, the Pharisees, who seemed like they were wanting a way out. Considering that the school of Hillel taught that a man could divorce a woman if she so much as burnt her bread, then you can see how strongly they were looking for excuses.

Jesus had to teach them plainly. Their desire to divorce was rooted in the hardness of their heart. Which is why he recited Moses this way.

Secondly he said marriage was a joining of God. And what God has joined, man should regard as holy.

Third, when the disciples were astonished and asked him about this later, he didn’t back down. He actually became stronger. That if they married and divorced perhaps from the perspective of heaven they were becoming adulterers.

Jesus was clearly teaching that marriage should be held in very high regard. That is not disputed.

But let’s just say that someone only had the gospel of Mark in the first century. It was likely the earliest. If they read this they would not think that even adultery was a permissible means for divorce.

Then sometime later they get Matthew’s gospel and read that Jesus taught that divorce was permissible for adultery. That would be a surprise.

And then say a few years later they get Paul’s letters. And they read there that he allowed divorce if an unbeliever wanted to leave (1 Cor 7).

If Jesus had taught that divorce was always wrong, there wouldn’t be these other teachings. Clearly this wasn’t meant to lay a harsh law by which there were no exceptions (like if we only read Mark).

The purpose was to elevate marriage and shoot for the goal and not the escape hatch. And people were searching hard for an exit.

Secondly we have to look also in the context of the Sermon on the Mount. Once again in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7, and here in Mark 9-10, Jesus is setting a standard.

If we say that the teachings on divorce are clear and must be obeyed down to the letter, then we have a problem. If that’s the case, IN CONTEXT, no one should have hands, feet or eyes. Why? Because we all have let our minds drift to the place of lust and fantasy. And Jesus says clearly, in context, that if this happens, we should cut them out and gouge them out.

Some will run to say, this doesn’t mean a rigid following of what he says but rather that he is making a point. But then in the very next verses say of divorce that what he said is to be rigidly followed.

What Jesus is doing is making a point just he was when he was speaking on lust being adultery. We need to do deal with what is in our heart.

In my younger years, I was much more rigid on the marriage/divorce issue. But I wasn’t reading things in the context of the Scripture in which Jesus was making a point. And also not looking to the other Scriptures.

For physical abuse and harm to one’s being, I have come to believe the exit door is there. God has put inside of every creature on earth a mean’s of self-defense. Name an animal that is not given an ability to defend itself. It’s because God cares for our well-being. We have a right to protect ourselves if abuse is ongoing.

What about neglect? That’s a harder one. I’ve heard men say they want to divorce as their sex life is neglected and they don’t get as much as they want. I’ve heard women say that their husbands really don’t care for their heart and their husband just want sex and that’s it.

Is neglect grounds for divorce? I can’t answer that one. Maybe in some cases it is and other cases it isn’t. I don’t know.

What about emotional abuse? One of the problems is that there is real emotional abuse and there’s sought after emotional abuse. People are quick to pull that as a reason. Perhaps if there is real emotional abuse that is persistent, perhaps. But one should be very careful.

There are honestly just so many scenarios when it comes to marriage and divorce. We can teach ideals. We can show intentionality in relationships. We can encourage self-sacrificial love. And we can uphold Jesus’ sacredness of marriage.

But at the same time there are cases where I think divorce is permissible. And not just for adultery. The problem is we live in a culture where it is all too easy.

The other problem is that we also live in a culture where brokenness is a pandemic of its own. Hurt people hurt people.

Currently right now I have in my life people I know who are pursuing divorce. For me, I’m not in that marriage and I don’t know all the details. I know God’s heart is for marriage. And He desires peace.

I also believe if two people who follow Christ are both intentional, there is hope. But if only one cares and tries and that attitude persists for decades, that is a problem.

So how do we approach this?

1. We uphold the heart of Jesus’ in marriage, and that is to pursue togetherness and not the exit door.
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2. We encourage forgiveness so that there isn’t the hardening of hearts that leads to divorce
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3. We walk humbly with others. We truly do not know their level of suffering.
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4. We do not use Scripture as a battering ram of rigidity. Otherwise remember to cut off your arms, feet and poke out your eyes per the Scriptures on lust.