[This is SATIRE – not meant to be taken literally but to use humor to address important points.]

Jesus, welcome, welcome. I’m so glad you are here. You have definitely caused quite a stir in the community. I know you come because some of your religious leaders and crowds have sent you here.

Upon looking at a full report of your activity from Dr. Luke, I can see you do some great things, and I think I have some ways I can help you become even better. I think you do well and mean well, but there are definitely some areas of understanding you may grow in.

Take for example your time with Mary and Martha. As you know you brought an entourage of disciples and they must be cared for and fed. It’s not easy to do that on the spot. There’s shopping and preparing food, cooking and dishes. It really is a lot more than you realize.

Yet when Martha’s sister Mary was not helping and was spending time with you, it upset Mary. Yet you told Martha that Mary chose better.

What you don’t understand, Jesus, is that on the personality test we gave to both sisters, Martha scored in the “high responsibility” category. It matters to her that she is responsible and takes care of others. When you said the things you did, you were disregarding her nature and personality. Perhaps a better statement would have been to talk about equality, that Mary could step up and help her sister and Martha relax a little and enjoy her guests. This would have been so much more fruitful.

I also see here that you sent out your disciples. The first problem is that you sent them with a message that was not very inclusive. You said that you were the only way to heaven, no one else. That’s a problem as it might hurt others feelings, and even more than that hinder their free choice. It could literally cause emotional damage.

The second problem is that with this message, you sent them into harm’s ways. Doing so is not acting in wisdom. These men have to be responsible for others. Like Peter, with his wife, and James and John, with their father. By sending them into danger, you threaten not just them but their ability to care for their families.

You see “wisdom” is the better way to go. Whenever there is risk or danger of harm, it is wisdom to choose an alternative route. When you say things like, “whoever wants to lose his life will save it and whoever wants to save his life will lose it,” is much too harsh. It is not wise. Nor is it loving. Life is precious. God made life. And it is valuable.

With the message you send them with and the danger it causes them, it is better to keep them at home. Read books on evangelism, have your disciples write papers about it and discuss it among themselves. Don’t send them out or go. Tell them to live such good lives so that when people see a difference in them, they can tell them when they ask. Wait for people to come to them. It’s safer and more respectful that way.

You really don’t need to go out and proseletyze, forcing your faith on other people. The truth is your disciples might sue you if something goes bad or they get hurt. And the people you are trying to reach might sue you. You wouldn’t want that, would you? It could shut down your whole ministry and stop all the good work you do.

With your teaching on loving your enemies, very good. Very, very good. That can be applauded.

But your teaching on blessings? Blessings on the poor? Those who are mourning? Those who are hated? Clearly you haven’t spent enough time around such people. It is not a blessing. Suffering, being hated, and things like persecution hurt. And I know you know that. But to say that there’s blessing that can be found even in hard things? You disrespect people’s pain.

Then you rebuke the Pharisees. You tell them that they are wrong for seeking important places in synagogues. You clearly do not understand. These people have worked and studied hard for these positions. They’ve been influential members in the community. It’s their rightful honor to have places of significant after everything they’ve sacrificed.

And truly, these people are sincere. They even send out missionaries to far away places. You would do well to support them.

Jesus, there is a reason you are getting cancelled. You have a lot of good things to say. But honestly you cannot blame people for cancelling you. You need to take responsibility for yourself and some of the things you say and do. It’s not surprise. And I hope we can get to the place where people will accept you more as you grow as you truly do have a lot to offer.

There’s so much more, Jesus, that we need to talk about. But I want you to go home and think about what we’ve talked about today. You need more inclusion, more respect for people’s situations, and you need to honor people’s very lives.

Think about these things and we will talk next week.

And it’s Ok Jesus that you are obviously struggling. After all, no one is perfect.