The Bible says that judgment begins with the house of the Lord. He is doing just that. Which means the rest of the world will be next.

At the same time, it is heartbreaking to see the fall of Christian leaders. If you’re human, you likely have mixed feelings. Hurt at seeing it happen. And a measure of humility knowing your own sin. Because we’ve all sinned.

The truth is, even if you have never had a great moral failure in your life and no skeletons in your closet, which I hope is true, the reality is we are all vulnerable to sin. It could happen to any of us. We must remember this when we speak about the falling of others.

In addition, we must fast to Jesus, but also cling to each other in openness and transparency.

I believe this is where the problem lies.

We are willing to connect with God through prayer, worship and doing great things. We are less connected to each other being real and transparent with our struggles. And just staying connected in general. Like the deep friendship that comes from regular meals together and one in which there is regular involvement and sharing of each other’s lives.

How do we handle the issue of fallen leaders? Or falling leaders?

I think the first thing we do is look at how they are walking through repentance. Is there true repentance? Are they blaming others?

I see some leaders gaslight their followers for their own sins. It’s sick. They want to accuse but not take responsibility. This is not a sign of repentance. (A good reminder for myself as well in own my failings).

I know of another leader that announced a public fall this week (not Tony Evans). One that is just so hard for me to even believe. It somehow is missing the internet crazy cycle. Yet it is still shocking and painful.

The difference is that he is openly taking all responsibility, publishing his confession minus the details (thankfully), and doing everything to walk in repentance and restoration. This is what repentance looks like.

The people who are openly owning it, repenting, and working to walk in newness of life, I can respect. I hate that they sinned, but I want to extend grace from one sinner to the next. We all need grace.

If anything, these downfalls should cause a righteous fear in us all. We too are vulnerable. And we too need grace. And kindness. And holiness.

I am torn. Torn with the realities of my own sinfulness, the desire to love and send grace to those who are truly repentant, sad that these things keep happening, anger at those gaslighting others, bothered by the sheer burden that ministry places on individuals, questioning how we can protect ourselves better, and so much more.

Here are some thoughts.

1) We must be real and vulnerable with someone. Let someone else know your past moral failings and temptations. Even when we are struggling in our thought life we can reach out to them. I know for me that I have friends who I can text. I can send out a 911 emergency text that I’m being tempted, would they A) Pray, and B) Ask me in a little bit did I stay the course.

2) Significant relationship is essential. This is easier said than done in a high-tech world. We must be more intentional about pursuing such relationships.

3) Own it. Own our mistakes. No more blaming others, our past, our situations, etc… We just need to own it. Repent. And STOP doing the things that God has said not to do. Sometimes this is a journey as we walk things out. But let’s walk things out. This is a harder step than is obvious.

4) Be grace filled. We all need grace. It doesn’t mean putting them in leadership right away. It likely means that they step out of it for a season. It doesn’t mean they are forever condemned to the sidelines. But their ministry may need to look different.

It also means being grace-filled. People are making a lot of money off of podcasts and YouTube videos doing exposés. But we need to keep humble. We are vulnerable people too.

The truth is this: Almost every one of the leaders that has fallen has done so with sexual sin. It begins with pornography for men and fantasy for women. It starts in the heart. That’s what Jesus taught. We must be wise about what is in our heart.

Then it goes to close friendship, too much alone time together that is “justified”, slight touch that lingers a millisecond, then more.

It is a deadly spiral.

It does not mean that we cut off all relationships with the opposite gender. That would be extreme and harmful to both. This is not the answer. It actually aggravates the problem.

Nor is the answer excessive rules. Rules such as excessive dress codes and strong distancing from others of the opposite gender. Remember the matter starts in the heart.

But it does mean we need to be wise. Especially being careful of alone time with someone. It always starts out justified. Then leads to more.

Here is some advice too that I’ve gleaned over the years.

1) If you have unrighteous affection stirring up in your heart towards someone, NEVER EVER tell that person “so that they know to be careful.” It leads to countless moral failures as it piques the interest of the other person.

I’ve observed this too many heartbreaking times that when something was said to the other, it was the turning point down a bad road. DON’T DO IT. EVER. NEVER EVER. Did I say NEVER? Yes. NEVER. NEVER TELL THE PERSON THAT YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEM if it would be immoral to purse that relationship.

2) Don’t keep it to yourself. Do tell someone who is wise and won’t freak out, but someone who is also able to hold you accountable with consequences if you act on things. Not shame you or expose you but has the ability to hold your feet to the fire in a loving but firm way.

3) Distance yourself from someone you have wrong affections towards even as it will be hurtful. Yes, they will be hurt by that. It’s unfortunate but it has to be. Because chances are they probably know why you are distancing yourself.

Even if they do not understand, remember rule #1. It’s better that someone hurt a little than telling them. If you do, it will be opening the door to bad things, and you will hurt yourself and everyone else around you. REMEMBER RULE #1!! You don’t need to be mean. But you do need to create spatial separation. Literal, physical distance.

If you find yourself in a compromising situation:

1) RUN!!! Get out of it fast. “Roll away run away.”

2) Tell someone.

3) Repent with your actions, and your words. Both. BOTH.

4) Face up to your consequences.

5) Never leave Jesus.

Ok that’s enough for now. I’m grieving.