What if an unbeliever and a believer are yoked together in marriage, and the unbeliever wants to leave? What should happen?
Of course, the believer should work to make the marriage work. This isn’t an easy out. Perhaps the person will come to the Lord. It happens many times. The believer should try to make things work.
But at the end of the day, if the conflict is explosive and unending, and the unbeliever wants to leave, the believer should allow the unbeliever to do so. At least, this was Paul’s opinion, not the Lord’s.
“To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him” (1 Cor 7:12-13).
It’s interesting to note her that that this isn’t gender unilateral. Both the man and the woman have an ability to divorce. This isn’t true in all cultures and places, but Biblically, it is there.
The goal here for the believer is to maintain the marriage. The believer should not divorce the unbeliever according to Paul’s opinion (not the Lord’s). But then Paul adds something strange:
“For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy” (v. 14).
How is a spouse and children made holy through the believer? What does this mean?
Some will try to say that this means that a spouse and children receive salvation, but we know this is not the case. We see Paul asking the question that shows plainly that they are not saved:
“For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (v. 16).
It is more likely that some believers may have felt like they were living in sin because they were unequally yoked, or somehow defiled because they were married to an unbeliever. But before God, He did not see them that way. It’s not that they were saved, but that God has grace for these kinds of situations. The spouse and the children are not considered defiled because of the now present mismatched household of a believer/unbeliever.
The second question in mind from this text is one use quite often to justify divorces.
“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (v. 15).
God has called us to live in peace. If there is a believer/unbeliever match up, the values are so different that war in the home may occur. If the unbeliever wants to leave, then let them because God has called us to peace.
But what about two believers? What if they have war in the home? Is divorce allowed because “God has called us to peace?”
The text seems to imply that if there are two believers, then it is possible to stay married to one another. That is the ideal. Mature Christians should have the ability to love one another.
But life isn’t ideal. People have different issues. Believers are at different places of maturity and immaturity emotionally and spiritually in ways that can create everything but peace.
In this author’s opinion, a believer should do everything within their power, as far as it depends on them, to make the marriage work. But at times, this author has witnessed emotionally immaturity in a marriage so bad between believers that the abuse has devastating consequences.
When this author was young, it was always recommended to stay in the marriage. But with years and seeing how much abuse is possible that does not always involve adultery or physical violence, the actuality of abuse has recognize more and more that there comes a place where peace and safety does matter.
There is a time to stay.
And after much effort, sometimes there are reasons to go.